Lightsyde
Posts: 1
|
 |
« on: October 12, 2008, 06:30:03 PM » |
|
Ok, my husband started smoking 2 years ago. He did NOT smoke when we first married. This is the thing--I HATE smoking! My grandma died from it and mom is on her way. I told myself I would never be with someone who smokes. I smell it on him and when I kiss him I can taste/smell it. When he breathes at night, I can smell it then. IT'S SOO GROSS. He made it quite clear that is not quitting. The only good thing is that he doesn't do it around me at all--it's all secretive. I can not stay with a man I can not be affectionate towards and he cannot understand that. When I know he is smoking I just think of all the hell I went through with my grandma and my mom--and he seems to not be affected by it. If he does not quit I will have to get a divorce because I will NOT watch him die like my other 2 relatives I loved so dear. I can't do it anymore. What are your thoughts?
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Jai
Posts: 1
|
|
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2008, 06:55:05 PM » |
|
Smoking of any kind is a deal breaker for me.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Angelina
Posts: 1
|
|
« Reply #2 on: October 12, 2008, 07:20:07 PM » |
|
I would divorce him rather immediately. I hate smoking also and will not tolerate someone who smokes in my life.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
A
Posts: 1
|
|
« Reply #3 on: October 12, 2008, 07:45:09 PM » |
|
You already said you can't stay with him so divorce him so you can be happy.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
BullChic
Posts: 1
|
|
« Reply #4 on: October 12, 2008, 08:10:11 PM » |
|
I would tell him that you love him very much but that you will have to divorce if he cannot quit. This is a deal breaker for you and that is something he knew when you got together. Why anyone would START smoking as an educated adult is beyond me. He obviously has some priorities mixed up.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
ndnqt1966
Posts: 1
|
|
« Reply #5 on: October 12, 2008, 08:35:13 PM » |
|
I agree with you.....Pack your things and leave...I too have had people close to me that have died because of smoking...I have a brother that is a chain smoker....and is over weight...I think he has one leg in the grave already...and he isn't 40 yet!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Love
Posts: 1
|
|
« Reply #6 on: October 12, 2008, 09:00:15 PM » |
|
Does the whole "for better or worse" part of your vows matter?
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Flinch
Posts: 1
|
|
« Reply #7 on: October 12, 2008, 09:25:17 PM » |
|
If he doesn't love and respect you enough to quit - especially knowing the history you have with relatives, the fact he started AFTER you were married, the fact he must know how much you hate it and the fact he is doing nothing to quit now - you have no choice!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
ULLLLL
Posts: 1
|
|
« Reply #8 on: October 12, 2008, 09:50:19 PM » |
|
You should try talking to him and tell him that you care a lot for his health, and you dont want to see him die. Or the other best thing is to take him to the doctors so he can try to stop.. but how did he get into smokin?but its not worth ruining your marriage for this. good luck
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
3688
Posts: 1
|
|
« Reply #9 on: October 12, 2008, 10:15:21 PM » |
|
Seems like a petty reason to get a divorce over, but if you can't get over his smoking and he's not willing to quit, then the answer is rather obvious.......
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
SueB
Posts: 1
|
|
« Reply #10 on: October 12, 2008, 10:40:23 PM » |
|
Not everyone dies from smoking. We all go in time. I'd maybe start saying he must brush his teeth and change and shower before he touches you when he gets home from work. Wouldn't that be easier than a Divorce??If you happen to pick up a new habit in the future, wouldn't you want him to live with it, if he loved you? If you must divorce him, then so be it. People are suppose to work through many, many things in a marriage.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
JustMyOpinion
Posts: 1
|
|
« Reply #11 on: October 12, 2008, 11:05:25 PM » |
|
Feeling the way you do, there's no way that you can accept this. I agree with you- smoking is disgusting and unhealthy. I too have watched family die as a result of smoking. Be upfront with him- tell him that you want out of the marriage because you can't deal with the decision he has made. Stick to your guns- although, if he sees just how serious you are, he may have a change of heart. If he lets you go and chooses cigarettes over you, he wasn't worth being with in the first place.His decision affects you. It's unhealthy for you to be around cigarette smoke, it's especially dangerous for little ones to be around it (I'm assuming you would eventually like to have children if you don't already), life insurance and health insurance premiums are higher for smokers, plus cigarettes are expensive. If you're like most of us now, you don't have an abundant amout of extra money lying around. You are entitled to your feelings- stick to your guns.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
JustAGirlUSA
Posts: 1
|
|
« Reply #12 on: October 12, 2008, 11:30:27 PM » |
|
I think it's good you're sticking to your guns, and telling him, "It is either the cigarettes, or me. Take your pick." I know what you mean about how awful it is...I am a non-smoker, but my ex-husband was a smoker. I hate it too.You waited now, 2 years for him to stop doing it? Girl, you have waited too long. He must be thinking you'll just continue to put up with it, complain about it, but not leave him. I think it's time you show him you're serious.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Silke
Posts: 1
|
|
« Reply #13 on: October 12, 2008, 11:55:29 PM » |
|
You've got a serious control problem. I'd get it seen to if I were you.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
meggymor
Posts: 1
|
|
« Reply #14 on: October 13, 2008, 12:20:31 AM » |
|
i quite understand your fear.make him realize that your aversion to smoking is stemmed out of the love you have for him and concern about his health. he could also go for counseling.smokers are really liable to die young.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
